Dirty Laundry

*Nobody had anything to say about my last entry, so in retribution, I present this essay on dirty laundry, no that wasn't a metaphor about admitting my shortfalls or anything, its quite literally about dirty laundry

May 12, 2006

I apoligize for the subject matter of this entry. Guys, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Girls, you may want to turn away
You have been warned, I will pretend you were not in the room.

The problem with underwear is that some pairs of underwear are more desirable than others. For instance, I have several pairs of boxers without a button. Why?? Who would want a pair of boxers without a button?? My friend Dave calls it a chastity button. But for real, it's like having a shirt with a hole over your sternum. Naturally this underwear is a last resort. Therein lies the problem. After a string of days wearing desirable underwear, you wake up and realize the only pair left is missing a button. When you wake up the next day, this is the pair that you are still wearing (the one with a hole) is all you've got. You're gonna have to rewear it. When its time to do laundry, the bad pairs of underwear are the first one's washed cause now they're on the top of the laundry pile!! LIFO (Last-In, First-Out) It's a vicious cycle! That's why I decided that next time I do laundry, I'm gonna save the best pair for last. Then I'll feel better about myself when I have to wear it multiple days. The best part about rewearing underwear is that there is no point in taking a shower, it's pretty much a given. I save a story about that for another time.

In closing, here are some creative solutions I have employed when I run out of clean underwear.

1. Re-use (only good for one day)

2. Swimsuit

3. Gym shorts (A method I picked up from Denver McCollister, Middle School Pastor of First Presbyterian Church of Houston. Last time I saw him, he said after not owning a pair of boxers for 3 years, he finally relented due to rashes in the waist-section)

*I only have one pair of true gym shorts. Right now I'm wearing two pair of plaid shorts.

4. Pajamas. These can be worn under pants (like yesterday, very warm) or under shorts (like today, very nice). When worn with shorts, make sure that you are wearing two different patterns of plaid (as much contrast as possible).

5.Cut off Jeans. This has only happened once, and I did it mostly as a tribute to the TV show Arrested Development (you would have to see it to understand). I wore cut off jean shorts under jeans. I told everybody I saw that day.
Research continues. The pile in the middle of my floor grows (even as I continue to pick up clothes from the top of it)